“It Is Cancer.” Three words no one ever wants to hear, three words I never expected to hear, and the doctor is saying them to me. I had just come out of a procedure, so I was still a little woozy from the meds, so I told him, “You might want to go check that again.” I remember seeing my sisters face in shock, and thinking, I have to be strong through this for everyone else. My family, my friends, my students.
The back story
It all started a few weeks earlier when I noticed blood in my stool. I already had an appointment with my doctor for a checkup on my thyroid levels, so I mentioned it to her. I did a home test and sent that in. It was positive for blood. I set up an appointment with a gastroenterologist for a colonoscopy. He said it could be hemorrhoids, polyps, ulcers, or cancer. I walked away from that appointment thinking it would be any of the other three because I was only 41. Colon cancer is for older people, right?
“It is cancer.”
The surgeon came in to meet me right after my colonoscopy. This was getting real! I had never had surgery before, the only health issue I had was an overactive thyroid – Grave’s disease. That was a weekend away from friends because I had to take radioactive iodine pills. I’ve never broken any bones, and the only time I’ve stayed in a hospital was to be there for my Grandma!
I started calling people in the car on the ride home. My boss thought I was joking at first because I was laughing while I told him I had cancer. **Tip – maybe don’t make phone calls when you are still coming off anesthesia! When the meds had worn off, I called family. I honestly don’t even remember these conversations as I was still in a state of shock. I do know that I didn’t cry ~ I was determined to be strong.
Cancer was never a concern for me
Cancer was the one thing I wasn’t really worried about because there hasn’t been any cancer in my family. Ok, there was a great uncle who had lung cancer, but that was due to smoking… I found out later a great aunt had been diagnosed with colon cancer, but she refused treatment because she was in her 70’s and wanted to just live out her days.
When I was in college, my sister’s best friend passed away from bone cancer. I had only seen her a couple times during her treatment as we lived in different cities. I wasn’t able to attend her funeral because we had a flat tire. My best childhood friend was diagnosed with breast cancer when we were 40 and I was in shock! She’s my age! I spent a week with her after her surgery to help out and I felt so out of my element. What do you even say to someone who is in for the fight of their life?
From a distance, I have seen people with family members who had cancer, people at church, or friends on social media… Cancer has never been a concern for me. Until now…
the power of worship ~ scripture & music
It is an understatement to say that music is a big part of my life! The song My Deliverer by Matt Maher became my ‘fight song’ as I began to sing this with hope for my future. ‘God, You’re My Deliverer – The One Who Carries Us’. (My Cancer Playlist is here for you!)
My prayer at the start of this journey became…
God, as I walk this path in front of me, know that I am relying on YOU to carry me. Let me be a light for You to my students, my coworkers, and the new people I will meet. I AM YOURS.
Thoughts from II Timothy 2 ~ Be strong in Christ Jesus ~ I endure all things for the sake of others to obtain salvation in Christ Jesus ~ He Remains Faithful ~ Be a vessel of honor for the Master, prepared for every good work.
dear friend,
If you have experienced the crushing news of those three words, It Is Cancer, I would be honored to pray for you. Please reach out and I will add you to my prayer list.
I encourage you to journal through this. I started a medical journal as it was important to be able to go back and read what the doctor was saying. **I usually had someone with me to write the notes so that I could just listen to the doctor. It is pretty special now to see the handwriting of several sweet friends and family who walked this path with me.
Rejoicing in hope, patient in distress, devoted to prayer… Romans 12:12
‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.’ Jeremiah 29:11
What is a verse you have relied on during hardship? Do you have a song that you play on repeat?
I’m so thankful and blessed by you and your testimony. You were so strong during this fight and seeing you rely on God to carry you through it all was such an amazing testimony of what God can do when we let him. I love you so much!